2007
I ran again for all children through out the world who cannot see their parents...
no drugs, no energy bars, no massages...just water und bananas...
and what got me through 14 minutes faster than in 2006?
in spite of hip and groin pains, it was just sheer will power...
I just kept thinking that we must acheive our goal:
to get the German laws changed so that all children have the right to see both their parents!
Here's the medal that I'll give to André one day!
2006
Papa-Edmund at the Berlin Main Train Station looking rather fresh after 42 kilometers
Edmund ran for André and Young-Sub
What a wonderful feeling: I made it!
I did it for you all!
I love you André!
Saranghe Young-Sub! Algenna? Algetta!
Papa-Edmund
from Canada
running with start number 15111
emblazoned on his red t-shirt: "Edmund is running for André and Young-Sub"
The Berlin Marathon 2006
Germany is not a children-friendly country. The laws here allow me to
see my son André, a planned child, just twice a week for
three
hours. With travel time he's barely 1 1/2 hours in my apartment. Just
when he's really having fun he has to be packed up and taken back home.
This is so unfair for a young child. He doesn't understand why this
awful situation has to exist. He just wants to be with, play and learn
from his father.
Often, when I hear "Papa" somewhere I think that my son is calling me - but it can't be - I'm not allowed to see him very much. It is another child and then I think just how much I miss my son. If I'm in a supermarket and see a father with a child, I keep asking myself: why can't I go shopping with my son? But time with him is always too short.
I'm now in a plane flying home to Canada and again I hear "Papa" and it really sounds like André, but it isn't: I'm not able to take him home with me.
Sometimes I hear "Papa" in my head and yes, it is my son! I hear his voice: he's calling "Papa". He is only 2 years old and cannot yet express his desire to see his father every day, or that he is not happy that he can't see his father for more than six weeks in the summer holidays. Tears come to my eyes because we must wait the whole summer holidays before we can see each other again and because I'm travelling home to my family without him. His grandmother wanted so much to see him this summer - she has only seen him twice since he was born. She (80) has just one grandchild and she was so happy and excited when André was born. Seven months later she didn't know if she was a grandmother anymore. My sister has never seen her nephew. She buys him lots of presents, especially books, but knows him only from photos. In my mother's house there are many photos of him displayed around the house. André can see his other grandparents and aunts almost every day. They have more rights than I do as his father or my mother as a grandmother. André is the loser because his mother wishes some kind of eternal revenge. And German law allows it!
Often, when I hear "Papa" somewhere I think that my son is calling me - but it can't be - I'm not allowed to see him very much. It is another child and then I think just how much I miss my son. If I'm in a supermarket and see a father with a child, I keep asking myself: why can't I go shopping with my son? But time with him is always too short.
I'm now in a plane flying home to Canada and again I hear "Papa" and it really sounds like André, but it isn't: I'm not able to take him home with me.
Sometimes I hear "Papa" in my head and yes, it is my son! I hear his voice: he's calling "Papa". He is only 2 years old and cannot yet express his desire to see his father every day, or that he is not happy that he can't see his father for more than six weeks in the summer holidays. Tears come to my eyes because we must wait the whole summer holidays before we can see each other again and because I'm travelling home to my family without him. His grandmother wanted so much to see him this summer - she has only seen him twice since he was born. She (80) has just one grandchild and she was so happy and excited when André was born. Seven months later she didn't know if she was a grandmother anymore. My sister has never seen her nephew. She buys him lots of presents, especially books, but knows him only from photos. In my mother's house there are many photos of him displayed around the house. André can see his other grandparents and aunts almost every day. They have more rights than I do as his father or my mother as a grandmother. André is the loser because his mother wishes some kind of eternal revenge. And German law allows it!
The laws here are inhuman and unfair:
-a planned child can lose his father or hardly sees him...
-a grandmother may hardly ever see her grandchild...
A child who rarely sees his father has less opportunity to learn the
language of his father and grandmother. Time is too short - but we are
giving it all we have! I want my son to be able to speak to his
grandmother! Sometimes my son uses words which I don't understand. On
the swing at the playground he often says "donanj" and gets frustrated
when I don't know what he wants. When he doesn't know the English word
then the only choice he has is to use a Russian one. Although
André's mother left me, I am still learning Russian - I'm
doing
it for André - it's his mother tongue. Although he's
officially
German he has, at the moment, no possibility of learning German. I
would like him to have plenty of contact with German children, but I
fear that he has little contact with any other children. When I invite
other children to my apartment André seems inseparable from
me
his father (because he needs my love so much) or else he plays alone. A
child, who grows up in a situation where his mother works, lives in an
unbalanced world: instead of the father others act as baby-sitters:
mainly adults, mostly women.
In Germany teachers in the kindergarten and schools are mainly women. I am not being prejudiced here: but our world, human and animal, has two sexes and each child needs a feminine and masculine influence and rôle model. In Germany apparently close to 2 million children are growing up without this proper balance. That will, if not already, result in some kind of national catastrophe. Germany's results in Pisa 3 and 4 will be even worse because so many children get help with their homework from only one parent - if they're lucky. German children only attend school in the morning and there is a lot more homework. Therefore parents here are under great pressure to help their children. Parents do several hours of work with their children in the afternoon which in other countries is done by teachers specialised in their subjects. But if both parents work or the laws don't allow one parent to be around very much, this system can't work! And it doesn't! Indeed Germany, decades too late, is wondering whether to change its education system to have all day schooling. But this is how Germany has saved money: parents are expected to do the work of teachers.
In Germany teachers in the kindergarten and schools are mainly women. I am not being prejudiced here: but our world, human and animal, has two sexes and each child needs a feminine and masculine influence and rôle model. In Germany apparently close to 2 million children are growing up without this proper balance. That will, if not already, result in some kind of national catastrophe. Germany's results in Pisa 3 and 4 will be even worse because so many children get help with their homework from only one parent - if they're lucky. German children only attend school in the morning and there is a lot more homework. Therefore parents here are under great pressure to help their children. Parents do several hours of work with their children in the afternoon which in other countries is done by teachers specialised in their subjects. But if both parents work or the laws don't allow one parent to be around very much, this system can't work! And it doesn't! Indeed Germany, decades too late, is wondering whether to change its education system to have all day schooling. But this is how Germany has saved money: parents are expected to do the work of teachers.
And will the Germans change their custody laws which are decades out of date? Read on please!
Why am I running in the Berlin Marathon?
Because I want to protest! I've never done anything like this before,
but fathers must do something in Germany! I have often thought of a
hunger strike, but then I'll only be hurting myself as a father,
husband not to mention teacher. But a marathon hurts no one! Quite the
opposite - I feel fitter than I've ever been and have lost a few
pounds! I hope I'll complete the 42 kilometres - it will be a big
challenge for most of the 8 fathers running in September. One father
asked me "have you done something like this before?" "No," I answered.
"Thank God" he rejoiced!
What am I protesting about? In Germany I am being discriminated against as a man and as a father. As a Canadian I would have better rights in my own country. I would also have far more rights in England, France and in many other countries. And my son would have the right to see both parents - joint custody would be possibility. A Canadian woman who refused to allow her husband access to their child was brought to court and severely punished. But not in Germany!
In Germany a father has, apparently, the right to see his child. But I was forced to go to court in order to gain this right. I will soon be going to court for a second time, because the child's mother refuses to follow the first court order. And who is paying for this? In my case: I paid for my part and for the mother's, because I'm a tax payer here: the Sozialamt (welfare office) paid for her, even when she refuses to allow me my rights!
In one case (not my own) a young mother-to-be was advised by a German office to leave her boyfriend because she would get more social money and handouts from the state! She told me that no one bothered to ask her if she loved her boy friend. She was very disappointed.
I know of several cases where mothers lived about 6-7 months with the father and then suddenly moved out without warning. Then it was stated that a marriage-like living arrangement had existed so that the father would have to pay alimony for the mother as well as the child. In my case the mother wanted me to sign a letter stating that she had never lived at my address, so that her parents wouldn't have to pay back childhood allowance which they had continued to receive. For alimony she wanted it to be a marriage-like arrangement, but for illegal childhood allowance payments she wanted me to lie that she had ever been with me! I refused to sign and within a couple of weeks she was gone!
What am I protesting about? In Germany I am being discriminated against as a man and as a father. As a Canadian I would have better rights in my own country. I would also have far more rights in England, France and in many other countries. And my son would have the right to see both parents - joint custody would be possibility. A Canadian woman who refused to allow her husband access to their child was brought to court and severely punished. But not in Germany!
In Germany a father has, apparently, the right to see his child. But I was forced to go to court in order to gain this right. I will soon be going to court for a second time, because the child's mother refuses to follow the first court order. And who is paying for this? In my case: I paid for my part and for the mother's, because I'm a tax payer here: the Sozialamt (welfare office) paid for her, even when she refuses to allow me my rights!
In one case (not my own) a young mother-to-be was advised by a German office to leave her boyfriend because she would get more social money and handouts from the state! She told me that no one bothered to ask her if she loved her boy friend. She was very disappointed.
I know of several cases where mothers lived about 6-7 months with the father and then suddenly moved out without warning. Then it was stated that a marriage-like living arrangement had existed so that the father would have to pay alimony for the mother as well as the child. In my case the mother wanted me to sign a letter stating that she had never lived at my address, so that her parents wouldn't have to pay back childhood allowance which they had continued to receive. For alimony she wanted it to be a marriage-like arrangement, but for illegal childhood allowance payments she wanted me to lie that she had ever been with me! I refused to sign and within a couple of weeks she was gone!
No wonder the German social system doesn't work anymore!
After a separation, having a child in Germany is like going in to a
restaurant, paying and then leaving before getting any food. This is
often what happens to a father here: you gladly pay for the upkeep for
the child, but have little opportunity, if at all (as in many cases),
to see that child. The German joke is: the only relationship that your
ex has with you is with your bank account.
Edmund Brownless
Report on the Berlin Marathon 2006
The Name "Papa-Lauf" (we're calling it "Running Daddies" in English) is so good!
Our t-shirts were read from start to finish - from the front and the back. Some found them amusing, others shouted "Great!" and "Super!"
-from the front: at the beginning I often heard "papa-lauf.de" or "daddies are running!"
-from the back: sometimes I heard my own name - what a motivation!
Others shouted "papapapapapapapa" (I took it to mean "PapaPapaPapaPapa", but perhaps it's a typical Marathon call in Berlin?)
Later, when I got a bit slower (intentionally, of course, so that our
fans could read my t-shirt better!), then I heard "Papa, lauf" as a
command: "Papa, run!" That kept me going! I often thought of my son, my
wife and her son: I'm doing it for you, and for all children of the
world who aren't allowed to see one or both their parents.
Three times I had bad pains in my hip joints which had never happened when I was training, and I had to slow down until the pain had subsided. It's a pity, because my muscles were feeling pretty good! As I sped up again to normal tempo again, then came a new call "Papa läuft" - "Papa's running!"
It was a wonderful experience! What beautiful sunny weather (27°) and what an atmosphere! Since the mid-eighties I've always like East Berlin and it was really nice to run through both parts of this great city.
I wish to thank Papa-Ralf so much for his call to action and for all his organisation. Ralf, you have motivated us so much! Thank you! Let's keep running, and let's keep striving to make Germany (to quote Horst Köhler) the most children-friendly country in Europe!
My dream for the future: that in 2007 we'll have around 100 running with us: and not just sad, frustrated fathers, but men and women who want to support us in striving (as in the UN Charter of Rights) for the rights of children: that they will have the right to both parents in Germany. Germany is really far from being a children-friendly country. Germany, like Korea, is right down the bottom of the list and far behind!
Three times I had bad pains in my hip joints which had never happened when I was training, and I had to slow down until the pain had subsided. It's a pity, because my muscles were feeling pretty good! As I sped up again to normal tempo again, then came a new call "Papa läuft" - "Papa's running!"
It was a wonderful experience! What beautiful sunny weather (27°) and what an atmosphere! Since the mid-eighties I've always like East Berlin and it was really nice to run through both parts of this great city.
I wish to thank Papa-Ralf so much for his call to action and for all his organisation. Ralf, you have motivated us so much! Thank you! Let's keep running, and let's keep striving to make Germany (to quote Horst Köhler) the most children-friendly country in Europe!
My dream for the future: that in 2007 we'll have around 100 running with us: and not just sad, frustrated fathers, but men and women who want to support us in striving (as in the UN Charter of Rights) for the rights of children: that they will have the right to both parents in Germany. Germany is really far from being a children-friendly country. Germany, like Korea, is right down the bottom of the list and far behind!
The wonderful route through East and West Berlin...history as you run! Jazz bands along the route...
And the feeling as you run through the Bradenburg Gate after 42 km cheered on by thousands: Euphoria!
www.edmundbrownless2.de